I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
