I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
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