A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
