i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
