Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
