I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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