I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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