And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
