Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
