im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
