I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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