I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
