I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
