just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
