You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
