I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
