And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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