I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
