I'm passing your future prison.
He passed out mid-signature
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
