The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
