The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
