dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
