My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
