Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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