I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I think your dad took our porno
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
