I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Randomize
