dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
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