I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
