I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
