I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
