I think my vagina is haunted
dude i'm inner monologue high
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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