so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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