It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
