NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
