she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
