I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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