The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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