i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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