Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
