This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
