I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
