I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize