I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
