She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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