Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
