I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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