how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
