My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
