is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
