I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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