i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
