Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Randomize
