well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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