I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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