We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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