Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
