you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Randomize
