Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
