Don't make out with my wife yet
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
