If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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