I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
