im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
