he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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