apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
he thought i was a dude.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
