apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
