I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize