I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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