he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
