dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
