areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
