brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize