are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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