After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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