dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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