It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
