Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
