I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
