The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
