he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
