This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize