So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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