$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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