I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
